Glennon Doyle Melton What I Hope You Learn at School

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"They wanted to adore me and I complicated things by inserting myself into their experience of me. I"
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"How was my day? It was a lifetime. It was the best of times and the worst of times. I was both lonely and never alone. I was simultaneously bored out of my skull and completely overwhelmed. I was saturated with touch—desperate to get the baby off of me and the second I put her down I yearned to smell her sweet skin again. This day required more than I'm physically and emotionally capable of, while requiring nothing from my brain. I had thoughts today, ideas, real things to say and no one to hear them. I felt manic all day, alternating between love and fury. At least once an hour I looked at their faces and thought I might not survive the tenderness of my love for them. The next moment I was furious. I felt like a dormant volcano, steady on the outside but ready to explode and spew hot lava at any moment. And then I noticed that Amma's foot doesn't fit into her Onesie anymore, and I started to panic at the reminder that this will be over soon, that it's fleeting—that this hardest time of my life is supposed to be the best time of my life. That this brutal time is also the most beautiful time. Am I enjoying it enough? Am I missing the best time of my life? Am I too tired to be properly in love? That fear and shame felt like adding a heavy, itchy blanket on top of all the hard. But I'm not complaining, so please don't try to fix it. I wouldn't have my day or my life any other way. I'm just saying—it's a hell of a hard thing to explain—an entire day with lots of babies. It's far too much and not even close to enough. But"
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"self-forgiveness. It's more like a constant attitude. It's just being hopeful. It's refusing to hold your breath. It's loving yourself enough to offer yourself a million more tries. It's what we want our kids to do every day for their whole lives, right? We want them to embrace being human instead of fighting against it. We want them to offer themselves grace. Forgiveness and grace are like oxygen: we can't offer it to others unless we put our masks on first. We have to put our grace masks on and breathe in deep."
Glennon Doyle Melton, Carry On, Warrior: Thoughts on Life Unarmed
"...what if the transporting (to a pain-free place) is keeping me from transformation? What if my anger, my fear, my loneliness were never mistakes, but invitations? What if in skipping the pain, I was missing my lessons? Instead of running away from the pain, was I supposed to run towards it? ...Maybe instead of slamming the door on pain, I need to throw open the door wide and say, "Come in. Sit down with me. And don't leave until you've taught me what I need to know."
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"I just need to know if you can really know me and still love me,"
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"Maybe we need to look at them and say 'I see your pain. It's real. I feel it too. We can handle it. We can do hard things. Because we are warriors."
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"I have decided that I'm ready to stop destroying myself and start creating. I have already accepted my invitation and no one will convince me again that I'm not worthy. Not ever again. I have been invited and I have said Yes. My Yes is final."
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"My unforgiveness is just another easy button. We aren't different. We are exactly the same. We are individual pieces of a scattered puzzle and we are just a little lost down here. We are all desperate for reunion and we are trying to find it in all the wrong places. We use bodies and drugs and food to try to end our loneliness, because we don't understand that we're lonely down here because we are supposed to be lonely. Because we're in pieces. To be human is to be incomplete and constantly yearning for reunion. Some reunions just require a long, kind patience."
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"I'm trying to strip myself down to my barest essentials so I can figure out where I begin and where the woman the world told me to be begins. I'm going back to the starting line."
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"God created woman as a Warrior. I think about the tragedies the women in my life have faced. How every time a child gets sick or a man leaves or a parent dies or a community crumbles, the women are the ones who carry on, who do what must be done for their people in the midst of their own pain. While those around them fall away, the women hold the sick and nurse the weak, put food on the table, carry their families' sadness and anger and love and hope. They keep showing up for their lives and their people with the odds stacked against them and the weight of the world on their shoulders. They never stop singing songs of truth, love, and redemption in the face of hopelessness. They are inexhaustible, ferocious, relentless cocreators with God, and they make beautiful worlds out of nothing. Have women been the Warriors all along?"
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"Having something to say and no one to hear it is so lonely."
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"Oh. I thought sexy meant pretty." "Hmm, nope. Pretty is another thing that can be sold. What and who is pretty is also something those people in boardrooms decide. It's always changing. So if what you want to be is pretty, you'll have to keep changing yourself constantly—and eventually you won't know who you are. "What I want to be, girls, is beautiful. Beautiful means 'full of beauty.' Beautiful is not about how you look on the outside. Beautiful is about what you're made of. Beautiful people spend time discovering what their idea of beauty on this earth is. They know themselves well enough to know what they love, and they love themselves enough to fill up with a little of their particular kind of beauty each day."
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"I just want us to remember than when we became parents, we didn't change species. We're still humans. I mean, we're bad-ass humans, for sure, but humans nonetheless. We make mistakes, all day, and that's good. We want our children to see that. We want them to learn how to handle mistakes because that's an important thing to learn. We expect to make mistakes, we say we're sorry, we forgive ourselves, we shrug and smile, and we try again.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat."
Glennon Doyle Melton, Carry On, Warrior: Thoughts on Life Unarmed
"This is the difference between God and booze. God requires something of us. The booze numbs the pain but God insists on nothing short of healing. God deals only with truth and the truth will set you free, but it will hurt so badly first. Sobriety will be like walking toward my own crucifixion. that what it will take though. That's what it will take to rise."
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"stop asking for advice and pretending I don't know what to do. I do know what to do, just never more than one moment at a time. I stop explaining myself, because I learn that making decisions is never about doing the right thing or the wrong thing. It's about doing the precise thing. The precise thing is always incredibly personal and often makes no sense to anyone else. God speaks to folks directly and one at a time, so I just listen and follow directions. And when I need to work anything out, I turn to the blank page. There, no one can steal my pain or try to poison my knowing, and there I always have the final word in my own story."
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"My daughter and I pay attention. We know what the world wants from us. We know we must decide whether to stay small, quiet, and uncomplicated or allow ourselves to grow as big, loud, and complex as we were made to be. Every girl must decide whether to be true to herself or true to the world."
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"I love God, whoever he is, and I'd really like to get closer to him. I've been thinking about how one of the simplest ways to get close to a woman is to be good to her children. To be kind and gentle and to pay close attention to the things that make them special. To try to see her children the way she sees her children. And how God made us in his image. How he is the mother and father of all of us. So I wonder if that would be the best way to get closer to him too. By being kind and gentle to his children and noticing all of the things that make them special. So many of us spend our time trying to find God in books, but maybe the simplest way to God is directly through the hearts of his children."
Glennon Doyle Melton, Carry On, Warrior: Thoughts on Life Unarmed
"Education is like Christmas. We're all just opening our gifts, one at a time. And it is a fact that each and every child has a bright shiny present with her name on it, waiting there underneath the tree. God wrapped it up, and he'll let us know when it's time to unwrap it. In the meantime, we must believe that our children are okay. Every last one of them. The straight-A ones and the ones with autism and the naughty ones and the chunky ones and the shy ones and the loud ones and the so-far-behind ones."
Glennon Melton, Carry On, Warrior: Thoughts on Life Unarmed
"You are my beloved! I made you and everything you have ever been or are or will become is already approved. Nothing you can ever do will make me love you more, and nothing you can ever do will make me love you less. That is finished. So stop hiding, stop waiting, and come now! Just get up and dance with me!"
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"Just as I'd understood the rules for girls, surely he'd absorbed the world's rules for boys --- that emotions are forbidden, that to be a successful boy he needed to 'buck up and be a man.' Do girls abandon our bodies because that's where we're shamed and boys abandon their emotions because that's where they're shamed? Little boy: Don't feel. Little girls: Don't hunger."
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"I wonder if he knows that all I do is apologize. That's all I do. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry for being me. My whole life is an apology, and that hasn't made a damn thing better. Mary had known. She had understood: A woman doesn't need to be told, yet again, that she's bad. She needs to be told that she's good. Mary didn't ask me to repent. She asked me to rest. But sitting in the priest's office, I see how the system works here. I have to repent to him so I can go rest with her. I do what I'm told. I apologize. "I'm so sorry," I say. "I want to be better." He nods again and then offers some magic words I'm to repeat twenty times. After I say them, I will be forgiven. I nod and flash back twenty years. I'm at the neighborhood pool waiting in line to buy ice cream. The ice cream man is selling Popsicles for a dollar each, while a high school kid who has broken into the truck is passing out free Popsicles from the back. The ice cream man hasn't a clue what's going on behind him. I wonder if the priest knows that while he's up here charging for forgiveness, Mary's back there handing it out for free. He must not know, which is why he is insisting that God's forgiveness has a price. I am pretending to believe this and promising to pay so I can get back to Mary, who is at the back of the truck hosting a free-for-all."
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"It strikes me that it's always religious people who are most surprised by grace."
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"I can only speak from my personal experience, but I've been married for ten years and barely any gay people have tried to break up my marriage. I say barely any because that Nate Berkus is a little shady. I am defenseless against his cuteness and eye for accessories. He is always convincing me to buy beautiful trinkets with our grocery money, and this drives your sweet father a bit nuts. So you might want to keep your eye on Berkus. But with the exception of him, I'm fairly certain that the only threats to your father's and my marriage are our pride, insecurity, anger, and wanderlust. Do not be afraid of people who seem different from you, baby. Different always turns out to be an illusion. Look hard."
Glennon Doyle Melton, Carry On, Warrior: Thoughts on Life Unarmed
"Life is messy and hard for everybody, and it's not hard because you're doing it wrong. It's just hard because it's designed that way, because if it weren't hard, we wouldn't need each other. And needing each other is the best part of life."
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"Pain splits us into two. When someone who is suffering says, "I'm fine, I'm fine," it is not because she is fine, it is because her inner self told her outer self to say the words "I am fine." Sometimes she will even slip and say, "We're fine." Others assume she's referring to herself and her people, but she is not. She is referring to both of her selves: her hurt self and her representative, the one fit for public consumption. Pain transforms one woman into two so that she has someone to walk with, someone to sit with her in the dark when everyone else leaves. I am not alone. I have my hurt self, but I also have this representative of me. She will continue on. Maybe I can permanently hide my hurt self and send our rep out into the world and she can smile and wave and carry on as if this never happened. We can breathe when we get home. In public, we will just pretend forever. I"
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"Treat yourself like someone you love"
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"Grief is love's souvenir. It's our proof that we once loved. Grief is the receipt we wave in the air that says to the world: Look! Love was once mine. I loved well. Here is my proof that I paid the price."
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior
"Are we ever ready for the terrifying gifts life offers us?"
Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior

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Glennon Doyle Melton What I Hope You Learn at School

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